I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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