This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
