I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
