I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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