I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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