We won't sleep together?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
