Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
