And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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