I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize