Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize