It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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