Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
