Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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