I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
