dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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