For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
