I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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