highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
