Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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