Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
