i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
