Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
