you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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