I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
