I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
