It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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