Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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