I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
