Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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