We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
