the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
