Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
