Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
