"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
