I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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