i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
