Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize