oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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