someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
