Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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