I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
