Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
