Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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