No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
