Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
