Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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