Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
