were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
