hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
