just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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