I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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