is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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