after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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