In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
