franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
