i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
