There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
