the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
